I have often found that having a sense of humor about things makes people more open to seeing your point of view.  My jibes at hubby here and on Facebook paid off.  He made an extra effort today to be quiet while preparing to leave the house at 5:30AM.

I had a wonderful workout and even got to do a little bit of Yoga at the end.  By the time Gracie woke up at 6:45ish I was refreshed and at peace and ready to bestow upon her an insane amount of hugs and kisses.

While we often feel guilty about wanting time to ourselves, I think the reality is that we need time to ourselves in order to be good mommies and daddies.

No child wants to feel like a burden or an unwanted intrusion.  I know this from personal experience. Both of my parents were very focused on themselves…they were part of that generation.  Oddly they both thought that by being so focused on careers and financial obligations they were being great parents.  I would have preferred more hugs and some silly time personally.  I spent a great deal of my childhood feeling as if they would have preferred not to have me.  That’s not so great for your self esteem.

I don’t want to do that to Gracie, but when I’m feeling overwhelmed and I have no had a moment to myself in days, I know I give off that vibe.  When she calls my name I can hear that tone in my voice that says “you pain in the ass what the hell do you want now?”  Mind you what I’m actually saying is “Yes honey?”, but I know the tone says it all.  Especially when she seeks me out to hug me and say “I love you Mommy.”  I know that she has sensed my frustration and anger and she feels she is the cause.

At those moments I want to curl up under a rock and die.  The guilt comes crashing down.  All I can do is wrap my arms around her and hold her close, reassuring her that I love her and I am there for her.  Then I try to drop what I’m doing and remember that these days are precious and soon she will be grown and gone and I will have more time to myself than I know how to fill.

I get up at 5:30 each morning to workout.  I have carved this little piece of “me time” out of what should be 7 hours of sleep so that I can do something that is good both for my body and mind.  Part of my motivation to get up each morning is the knowledge that I will at least one hour all to myself.  I can watch my favorite show on TV and work my body in peace.  No interruptions, no questions.  Just me, for me.

This was working out really well until hubby decided to stick to his New Year’s resolution and has begun rising at 5:30 with me so he can head out to the gym.  The problem is that he has never learned the art of being ninja quiet.  The ten minutes it takes him to get out of the house seem like the loudest ten minutes of the day. I suspect he even wakes the neighbors!

I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, but I wish he would learn to tip-toe. Don’t put on the shoes until just before you walk out the door, please! Between the clomping around on our hard wood floors and the doors being flung open and shutting with an audible click, there is no way Gracie is going to stay asleep.  We talked about it when he came back from the gym today so hopefully tomorrow it will be a bit quieter.

So off he goes to the gym and there I am in my sacred little space trying to tuck her into a bunch of blankets, getting her a glass of milk, answering endless questions about my TV show and my exercise and the time of day and anything else that pops into her adorable little head at 5:30AM.

Usually after my workout I head to the dining room for my quiet breakfast and 45 minutes of internet bliss.  I read my favorite blogs, check my email and just goof around with no agenda and no rules.   Not when Gracie is awake.  There’s noise, TV, more questions, breakfast to be cooked, clothes to be picked out, teeth to be brushed and there goes my little piece of heaven.

I know that time with my child is a rare and precious gift, but time with myself is even more rare and more precious.  I only get about an hour a day just for me and that hour  makes me a very happy person and probably a better mommy.

So, this morning I got angrier and angrier and mourned the loss of my special time and then the guilt came crashing in.  Just the way you want to start your day right?