Anger, Loss and then the Guilt
I get up at 5:30 each morning to workout. I have carved this little piece of “me time” out of what should be 7 hours of sleep so that I can do something that is good both for my body and mind. Part of my motivation to get up each morning is the knowledge that I will at least one hour all to myself. I can watch my favorite show on TV and work my body in peace. No interruptions, no questions. Just me, for me.
This was working out really well until hubby decided to stick to his New Year’s resolution and has begun rising at 5:30 with me so he can head out to the gym. The problem is that he has never learned the art of being ninja quiet. The ten minutes it takes him to get out of the house seem like the loudest ten minutes of the day. I suspect he even wakes the neighbors!
I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, but I wish he would learn to tip-toe. Don’t put on the shoes until just before you walk out the door, please! Between the clomping around on our hard wood floors and the doors being flung open and shutting with an audible click, there is no way Gracie is going to stay asleep. We talked about it when he came back from the gym today so hopefully tomorrow it will be a bit quieter.
So off he goes to the gym and there I am in my sacred little space trying to tuck her into a bunch of blankets, getting her a glass of milk, answering endless questions about my TV show and my exercise and the time of day and anything else that pops into her adorable little head at 5:30AM.
Usually after my workout I head to the dining room for my quiet breakfast and 45 minutes of internet bliss. I read my favorite blogs, check my email and just goof around with no agenda and no rules. Not when Gracie is awake. There’s noise, TV, more questions, breakfast to be cooked, clothes to be picked out, teeth to be brushed and there goes my little piece of heaven.
I know that time with my child is a rare and precious gift, but time with myself is even more rare and more precious. I only get about an hour a day just for me and that hour makes me a very happy person and probably a better mommy.
So, this morning I got angrier and angrier and mourned the loss of my special time and then the guilt came crashing in. Just the way you want to start your day right?
i’m a new mommy… a month into it, and i do feel guilty at times if i want “me” time.
and my husband is super loud too. i know he tries to be quiet… and when he comes home from work or bowling and if it’s late, and CJ is sleeping, he goes over and says “hey buddy!” and i know he’s excited to see him after not seeing him all day. but please, let him sleep!!!!!
=)
justinas last blog post..Patiently waiting….
Melissa,
I love this article - I go through the same exact thing each morning when my husband “thinks” he is quiet getting ready to leave that house at anywhere between 430 am and 6:30 am (depends if he is going to the gym or not). I dont quite understand how empting the dishwasher at this hour of the morning is necessary (yes thanks for the help).. or how it could possibly be quiet in a house with an open floor plan and high ceilings?… Or why I ave to listen tpo the laundry room door to the garage Chirp lke a bird at least 3 times because he has forgotten something…. or why he finds the need to walk back upstairs on the hardwood floors with his shoes on when he forgets something…. So inevitably the kids get up earlier and the endless questions and demands start. The only thing that has not changed? The house is still not quiet
LOL… Yes but do feel guilty for feeling so selfish!
Melissa,
I love this article - I go through the same exact thing each morning when my husband “thinks” he is quiet getting ready to leave that house at anywhere between 430 am and 6:30 am (depends if he is going to the gym or not). I dont quite understand how empting the dishwasher at this hour of the morning is necessary (yes thanks for the help).. or how it could possibly be quiet in a house with an open floor plan and high ceilings?… Or why I ave to listen tpo the laundry room door to the garage Chirp lke a bird at least 3 times because he has forgotten something…. or why he finds the need to walk back upstairs on the hardwood floors with his shoes on when he forgets something…. So inevitably the kids get up earlier and the endless questions and demands start. The only thing that has not changed? The house is still not quiet LOL… Yes but do feel guilty for feeling so selfish!
@Shari, I’m so glad to hear my hubby isn’t the only one who is both helpful and loud at the same time, LOL!!!!!
Wish we could get rid of the guilt, and really trying to laugh it away!!!