Clearly I am out of the loop because my daughter’s school is teaching them that “stupid” is a bad word in the league of the really bad words! I agree it’s not a kind word, but it’s a damned useful one! Check out my video for the full rant.

I lie to my five year old daughter Gracie all the time and I feel guilty about it…well, sometimes I do.  I don’t lie about big important things, it’s the little things.  Instead of entering into a lengthy explanation about why we can’t do something right now or where exactly I’m going, I lie.  For instance, last week we had tickets to a NJ Devils game on a Wednesday night.  I haven’t been to a game with just my husband in a couple of years, and I LOVE hockey.  So we dropped Gracie off with Nana, while we checked out a couple of periods of the game.  I tried not to mention that we were going to a hockey game at all, but Daddy didn’t catch my drift (daddies seldom do) so he spilled the beans.  She was feeling really left out, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid.  She asked if she could come too.

So I guess I could have just said “no” and entered into an argument or I could have told her the truth and hurt her very badly.  Instead I lied.  I explained that it was an adults-only game because it was on a school night.  That was that. I told her that when we went on a non-school night she could come.  Tonight is Friday, and we are taking her to the game.  So, I didn’t lie about that.  The upshot is that there was no drama, no stress and no broken hearted five year old.  I only felt guilty for the briefest of moments.

Do you lie to your children?  Is it okay to lie to them at all?

I can recall a conversation on a forum last year about Santa that surprised me. There were so many mommies who had decided not to tell their kids about Santa because they felt it was lying. Their argument was that they were teaching their children it was unacceptable to lie. If they perpetuated the Santa myth, when their children got older and realized that Santa was not real, they would know that their parents lied to them.  Somehow this didn’t seem right to me.  I didn’t recall any massive horror upon discovering that Santa wasn’t real, and I never saw it as being lied to.  I’ve been doing the Santa thing for Gracie each year.  Am I setting her up for a lifetime of trust issues?

Sensing some unecessary mommy guilt on the horizon, I decided to ask a professional for help.  I turned to noted NJ/NY psychiatrist Dr. Jason Cohen for advice.  Luckily, Dr. Cohen assured me that Santa is a story, or legend meant to inspire positivity and hope around the holidays; it is not a lie.  “Children do not have a sudden ephipany or realization regarding Santa Claus”, Dr. Cohen continued. “They begin to sense the exaggeration, and when they finally figure it out they become proud, and view it as a sign of growing up. It is part of the natural process of maturation, and they do not perceive the story as being deceptive.”  Whew, I was feeling much better.

Then Dr. Cohen went on to give me a brief and necessary reminder about parenting, “Parenting is about guiding by example. Everyone thinks it is about what you say, but it is really about what you do.  Discussing how you plan to cheat on your taxes in front of your child is teaching them to lie, while going back to a store to return money, when you have been given too much change, is teaching them honesty.”

So if you were having mommy guilt about teaching your kids about Santa, or you were having mommy guilt about choosing NOT to teach them about Santa, be assured that either way it doesn’t matter.  It seems that our kids won’ be scarred for life either way.  So stop worrying about it and go give them some extra hugs, while they will still let you!