As I started to think about this list I decided that I might need to extend this list to 100 causes of Mommy Guilt.  Thankfully I have enough mommies in my life to know that Mommy Guilt comes with the territory, and there is no more guilt today than there was fifty years ago.  Today’s guilt might be a bit different, but in the end if you have children you have guilt.  If you have twins you have guilt about not giving them enough attention, if you have an only child, like myself, you have guilt about not giving them a sibling.

I think the guilt stems from our feelings of inadequacy.  No matter how many books we read before becoming a parent we just knew we aren’t going to be fully prepared.  Then once we bring junior home we knew for damn sure we weren’t prepared!  We just try to do our best and often fear that we are falling short.

I am trying to let go of my guilt so I can just be plain old happy Melissa.  I know that my own parents didn’t mean to screw me up, so I’m pretty sure any screwing up I’m doing to Gracie right now will be forgiven when she grows up.  I hope she’ll know I did my best, and didn’t mean to put her into therapy, LOL.

My Top Ten Causes of Mommy Guilt:

1. Being a size 16 (on my way to 14)  is going to damage my daughter’s body image.  She already told me once that I should take Xenedrine EFX so I could have a better life!  Swear to God!  Damn commercials!!!!
2. Because I work outside the home I am not the one to take her to school and pick her up.  I am the third person to hear about her day and it breaks my heart.  She gets so excited when I do get to drop her off or pick her up.  I feel like I am letting her down.
3. When I do have time to be with her I am sometimes grumpy because my back is killing me or because I had a long day.  I feel like those 2.5 hours we get together each night should be so wonderful and many times they are mediocre at best.  God, is it only 2.5 hours?  Crap…now I feel more guilty about this one!
4. I am the worse housekeeper ever.  At times I’m totally cool with this, but I wonder if I’m somehow teaching her to be irresponsible.  We don’t make beds or do daily chores.  I’d much rather read with her or just hang out together.
5. My husband does all of the cooking.  Even the baking.  I feel like I’m not being a “real” mommy.
6. I spoil her with toys. I just love picking her up something cute or fun when we go out.  It doesn’t seem like she’s becoming materialistic, but I wonder what I’m setting her up for in life.
7. I don’t make her floss.  I know, I suck.
8. I don’t take her to church.  It’s just that I’m not a church goer and never have been.  My beliefs are kind of multi-denominational.  I know I need to start her in some kind of tradition so she can at least have a foundation, and then when she grows up she can choose her own path.  Still,  I’m constantly changing my mind about what tradition to raise her in. Do we stay Catholic, go Episcopal, try the local Unitarian church?  I really need to get off the pot on this one!
9. She doesn’t get to play outside as much as I would like.  Since I’m not home when she gets out of school, she doesn’t go out to play.  I wish I could be there to take her to the park or take her out for bike rides after school.
10. My daughter is insanely perceptive and she always senses my moods.  Her response when I am feeling sad or mad is always “I love you, Mommy”, and I wonder if that means she thinks when I’m sad or mad that it is about her.

Okay, my rule about listing bad things is that you always have to counter them with good things to make yourself feel better.   So…

My Top Ten Reasons That I am an Awesome Mommy!!!

1. I don’t make Gracie do chores. Time enough in her future for chores, housework and other shoulds.  Right now I cultivate her creativity and bond with her over books and crafts.  We talk and play games and she’s having a great childhood.
2. She eats a better diet than any other kid I know! Truly.  She is healthy as a horse and full of energy.
3. She can read better than many second and third graders I know and she’s only five.
4. She is loving and affectionate and truly compassionate.  She tries to help others whenever possible and loves to share.
5. Gracie is watching me pursue my dreams while doing what I need to do to help support our family. She is learning that nothing should ever stop you from reaching for the stars and that it is never too late to live your dreams.
6. My relationship with my wonderful husband is an awesome thing for her to witness.  She is growing up with a great example of what a healthy and happy marriage can be.
7. We include Gracie is everything we do. We talk to her and take her on adventures with us.  She is getting a great education just from hanging around with us.
8. Gracie’s TV viewing has always been supervised.  As a result she loves educational shows and the Discovery Channel is her fave.  Her favorite show is How It’s Made!
9. Every day ends and begins with the words “I love you”.
10. Someday when I am gone Gracie will have all of my scrapbooks, journals and blogs to remind her how much she meant to me.

Yup, we all have Mommy Guilt and we always will, but we need to balance that guilt with a realistic look at all of the good things we are doing for our kids.  Remember that you are doing the best you can with what you have and be good to yourself.

Remember to be thankful for your kids this holiday season and give them lots and lots  of extra hugs.  In the end it is the love of our parents that we all remember.

Brenden Foster died this past Friday after a long, painful battle with leukemia.  He was only eleven years old.  I heard about Brenden just last Monday on a radio show.  His dying wish was to feed the homeless.  People all around the country have taken up his cause and have made sandwiches for the homeless, made food donations to shelters and donated money to foodbanks.

My husband and  I have active in fundraising for our local foodbank for years, but in honor of Brenden I want to do even more this year.  One idea I have come up with is for my staff and I to take the money we would have spent on meaningless gifts for each other, and donate it to the Community Foodbank of New Jersey.  I am going to make the same request of a group of friends that I usually do a grab bag with.

I know times are tight, but I’m sure we can all come up with some way to honor this amazing child’s last wish.  After you watch these two videos, I know you will think of something.  I also know you will hug your kids extra tight tonight.  I know I will.

Here’s some links to help you get started:

• Feeding America
• Red Cross